


18 - "from this moment on"

by cyn_00



Series: Moreid one shots [18]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon Related, Emotional Hurt, Episode: s03e16 Elephant's Memory, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Up, Non-Canon Relationship, Oblivious Spencer Reid, One Shot, One Shot Collection, POV Alternating, POV Derek, POV Spencer Reid, Worried Derek Morgan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25048252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyn_00/pseuds/cyn_00
Summary: This is peak level anger + angst + fluff based onseason 3, episode 16("Elephant's memory"). It is how I imagine their love confession happened and it's consistent with most of my other one shots (especially number 16, if you've read it: I mentioned that they confessed their love to each other while fighting)
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Series: Moreid one shots [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746199
Comments: 14
Kudos: 245





	18 - "from this moment on"

**Author's Note:**

> Literally two (2) mentions of Reid's past drug addiction (the episode deals with this theme as well Idk if you remember). Also I have to address one last thing... I think I went slightly out of character with Derek in this one, because the fighting and the occasional sarcastic tone...Idk I feel like Derek Morgan wouldn't do that. I hope it doesn't bother you... :(

_In this episode the team have to catch a kid - Owen Savage - that's been killing his former bullies: Reid empathizes with him to the point of putting his life on the line when the kid approaches the police dept armed, to say goodbye to his girlfriend one last time. This is also the one where Reid tells Morgan about the bullying episode with the goal post_

[ _Link to the same fic on Tumblr_ ](https://cyn-00.tumblr.com/post/622899903588433920/moreid-one-shot-18)

* * *

Morgan was sitting at his desk in the bullpen. He already had his hoodie and leather jacket on: he had planned on finishing with the paperwork as fast as his reading and handwriting speed allowed him to, and then literally _running_ home to take a shower, to wash off everything that case in Texas had stained him with.

To wash off the burden of knowing about probably one of Reid's deepest secrets. The guilt of not having managed to get through to him soon enough to predict that he was gonna go back to the local pd and wait for the unsub without the others knowing. The helplessness of seeing him put his life at stake to save the unsub from being shot - _the unsub:_ a kid just like him, bullied and punished for not knowing how to be anything other than himself. The knot in his guts when he saw him inching closer and closer to the armed kid and couldn't run in front of him to stand as a shield. The aching in his heart at the thought that, even having witnessed all of it, he couldn't blame Reid for seeing himself in that kid and wanting to save him, like an instinct that he could not suppress even being fully aware that that would've meant playing kamikaze in front of the team - in front of _him_.

He wanted all of that to go away, to stream down the drain of his shower floor and disappear.

And the awareness that that couldn't happen, that it didn't work like that, was what was keeping him from being able to fill up all the paperwork quickly, instead staring at the same sheet for what seemed like hours and removing his gaze from it every 30 seconds to check on Hotch's office, where Reid was being lectured and scolded since the minute they got off the jet.

At the millionth glimpse up to that door, it opened.

Reid walked fast down the stairs and flew toward his desk with a hollow look on his face, lifting a wave of air as he brushed past Morgan's desk.

Morgan's eyes followed him and then moved back to the door where they were before, and where now was standing Hotch, watching Reid too from slightly above.

Hotch's and Morgan's eyes met and, much to the latter's relief, he nodded: Morgan didn't catch immediately what he was nodding at him for, then understood it was meant to be a _"everything's fine, I didn't fire him"_ kinda thing. Which, luckily enough, hadn't even crossed his mind - there was a whole lot on that plate already.

He decided he had to talk to him, in the attempt to relieve some of Reid's concerns but also some of his own, hoping not to escalate into a fight - though, he was willing to take the risk.

"Reid."

The voice was familiar to Reid's ears, though the same couldn't be said for the tone of it.

He was almost done with packing his satchel, standing on his feet beside his desk in the hope that that would be enough of a hint for the others that he was heading out and had no time to talk or anything else of the sort.

But that voice - _that_ voice, Reid could not ignore, and he found himself thinking that he should've rehearsed better to do so.

"What?" he simply said, not bothering to shift his look on Morgan, nor stopping the jittery motion of his hands, relying solely on muscle memory to put stuff inside the bag.

A warm and strong hand wrapped around his wrist like a cuff, forcefully stopping said motion. He finally moved his eyes toward the man, now standing in front of him.

Even having soothed down the uncontrollable trembling of his fingers, he glanced up at Morgan as to order to remove the grip; and so he did, gulping nervously.

"Can we talk for a sec?"

Reid tried to ignore the look on his face and shook his head dismissively, resuming the task he had interrupted a second before.

He felt his co-worker inching closer - too close for him to say no if he'd asked him again.

" _Please, Spencer._ " Morgan whispered in his ear.

A shaky sigh escaped his nose when he heard his first name and the discomfort in Morgan's usually confident tone.

"Alright. What is it?" he crossed his arms on his chest.

"Not here." Derek looked around, searching for a private place as if he didn't know that there was no such thing at the bureau unless one had a proper office - and even then, everyone would peek and overhear conversations. Hotch knew something about that.

He nodded his chin up toward the conference room. Spencer didn't have the energy to protest and followed him.

"So?" he asked, attempting at an annoyed tone, once they were up inside the dark room - Morgan refused to turn the light on, letting the lamps from the bullpen outside shed some through the blinds.

"Close the door?"

"Seriously? Ok Morgan look, if- if I'm here for another lectur-"

"I can't do it with the door open Reid I'm- I'm sorry."

Reid softened a little at that. He wondered what he meant by _"I can't do it"_. Do what? Anyway, he closed the door and tossed his bag on one of the chairs, figuring it was going to be long and tedious. Little did he know...

"And I don't wanna lecture you. Not as Hotch did, anyway. I'm here as a friend."

Spencer didn't bother retorting that.

Derek leaned against the round table and crossed his arms on his chest, looking down at his feet as if the floor was gonna throw at him the right words to say.

"You scared the _fuck_ out of us." his voice came out anything but steady or threatening. "You scared the fuck out of ME." he specified.

Reid tried to hide as best as he could how his knees started to wobble. He shrugged, slipping his hands casually in the pockets of his pants. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Morgan wasn't sure if the "genius" was playing dumb all of a sudden or what. It seemed very much clear to him what that was supposed to mean. Phrased perfectly. _You scared me_. "Sorry about that" and a pat on his shoulder would've done the trick.

But since Reid clearly wasn't in the mood to make it easy on himself - or really, on either of them - Derek threw the whole "not escalating into a fight" concept out of the window.

"What do you think it means?" he stood straight and spread his arms in frustration. "What the HELL where you thinking out there? I just-"

"This sounds very much like a lecture already."

Derek lowered his voice. "I'm trying not to make it sound like one. But I'm also trying to make a point, Reid."

"Your point being?? That I shouldn't have jeopardized my life and the lives of others? That we are a team and if I understand something about the case before you guys I have to let you know?"

Morgan tried to take advantage of a pause Reid took to catch his breath, gaping in the attempt to say something. But was immediately cut off.

"Or is it maybe that I shouldn't walk up to an armed unsub without my vest and my gun??" Reid seemed to have finished, but just because his voice was getting thicker with rage.

Derek couldn't see his eyes clearly in the bad lighting of the room, but from how his brows were drawn together and his lips slightly parted, he took a guess tears were threatening to wet his cheeks from one second to another.

He didn't _want_ to make him cry. He'd probably already done that a few times without anybody's help. But if that was Spencer's way of opening up to him, of letting go, of showing him that he trusted him not to tell the others about how he poured his fears out to him inside those four walls... then maybe Derek _did_ want him to cry. If that was the only way to make the kid understand how much it affected him seeing him risk his life, how wrong it was for him to think he was alone in this.

"...all of the above, and you know that."

"Exactly! I do! Because Hotch just told me all of it and even if he hadn't, I knew it all already-"

"Then why?? Why did you do it anyway? Why did you do it if you're so smart that you had already figured how wrong it was?"

Reid scowled at that, and opened his mouth to say something, though he didn't really have the time.

"Do you take PLEASURE in all this??" Morgan snorted dryly, gesturing his hands around as if he was showing him what _"all this"_ meant. "Are you enjoying it? Getting yelled at? Looking at me freak out??"

Spencer embraced his chest in his arms, like he wanted to make himself small. "It's not like I asked you to-"

"You did, though! You kinda DID ask for it, Reid! What, you thought we'd just sit around and watch you get almost killed and never talk about it?? You thought you could do something literally _suicidal_ and get away with Hotch or me busting your ass or- or anybody really??"

"Morgan just- s- stop screaming at me, please." he murmured keeping his eyes down, voice cracking halfway.

The way those words came out of him and resonated in his eardrums, and the look on his face - Derek's stomach twisted at the thought of having scared him, yelled at him like he was just some kid who screwed up, like he was someone else and not _Spencer_. His kid. His pretty, _pretty_ boy.

He realized how close he had got to him, unawarely prey to his own rage. He stepped back and ran a hand on his face. Reid looked so tiny, and helpless, and innocent, now that Morgan got a look of him as a whole, from a farther perspective.

" 'm sorry." he mumbled.

As Spencer's eyes finally moved away from the portion of floor in between his shoes, he saw that Derek had turned his back on him, hands resting on his hips.

He looked...hurt? But mostly _ashamed_ , judging by how his eyes dropped down, hiding his face, like he didn't want Spencer to see him in that moment.

Spencer's heart collapsed down his stomach when he realized what Derek was ashamed of.

"Morgan you- you didn't... _scare_ me or anything I'm- I'm fine I'm just saying, Hotch already barely contained his yelling, and I had my fair share of yelling, too, I just don't-" he had to take a breath, or else his brain would've burst. "I just don't want _you_ to get angry at me, too. That's all. That's literally it."

 _A little too late for that_ , he thought to himself. But what he said, it was true: he wasn't scared of him - or, better: of course he was uncomfortable when people screamed at him, but it wasn't Derek specifically. He didn't wince, or flinch back when he scolded him. He didn't have a quarter of a doubt that Morgan wouldn't lay a single finger nail on him - on ANYONE, ever.

That's just not the type of man he was, despite his build, and how his eyes burned up when he was angry. He would occasionally punch a wall or two, but he would never dare to get mad like that at _people_. And, it seemed to Reid, that some people forgot it at times, or simply got the idea that he was a violent man, based purely on his muscles and the color of his skin. Reid wasn't one of those people. He knew Morgan felt emotions in a big way - big, blinding smiles, as well as big, laser-like glares - an authentic and raw way, when he allowed himself to: the good ones when he felt comfortable enough, the bad ones when he felt threatened. He knew how overwhelming it must be for external people, to see this strong man spurting out his equally strong feelings.

Spencer wasn't one of those people. He felt blessed to belong to that OTHER group of people, the one Derek allowed himself to show good and bad. And he wasn't scared, he admired him for feeling things in such a way.

Reid snapped out of his thoughts, hearing an unsettling silence that should've been long replaced by an answer from Morgan. He made a few steps toward him.

"Morgan are- are you ok?" he asked, his voice and his expression softer than before, carefully placing a hand on the other man's leather-coated shoulder.

_Ok_. Of course. At times Derek wondered if Spencer was actually that oblivious, or he just liked to make the gears in his brain work x10 times harder to find a way of making things more evident to him for fun.

He let out a cold chuckle. "Yeah." he shook his head and turned around to face him again. "of course, right? TOTALLY fine. Just saw one of the people I care most in this world throw himself in the arms of an unsub. But I'm fine, right?? How could I not."

The painful frown that appeared on Spencer's sweet face should've been enough for Derek not to be able to stay angry at him.

Reid looked down and took a step back, taking his hand off of him. Maybe it wasn't enough for Morgan's rage to quiet down, but it was sure as hell enough for a wave of tears to start burning his eyeballs.

"And how can you demand me to not be angry at you?" his voice was starting to fail him. "How- how am I supposed to do that??"

Reid shook his head vigorously. "I seriously do NOT understand. I swear to God I don't understand this whole thing you're pulling off on me right now." he tucked his hair behind his ears, not that it needed to be adjusted - it was rather out of being nervous and trying to compose himself.

An annoyed grimace wrinkled Morgan's features. "What is there to understa-"

"No- _I'm_ talking now: you pull off this crap ALL the time, running into buildings on literal fire, chasing unsubs down alleys without waiting for us first, jumping from one roof top to another- how is that different? Is it cause you're a big guy and I'm weak? Is that ALWAYS the reason??"

"It's not nearly the same thing, Reid. And it doesn't have a single fucking thing to do with you being 'weak'." he stated, without hesitating to air-quote 'weak', damn sure that if he didn't, Spencer would snap again.

"Then, please, explain it to me. Explain to me why when you do that you're a hero, while when I do that I'm an irresponsibile teenager. Because, apparently so, all the IQ in my brain is of no use in figuring it out." he snarked, crossing his arms on his chest.

Morgan took a few deep breaths: Reid would be outraged enough by _what_ he was about to say, the least he could do was control _how_ he'd say it.

"Alright. When I do that, it's because there's no choice. I can't let the guy get away. What you did, though? You HAD a choice." he simply explained, seeing that Spencer's mind was already starting to acknowledge the difference. "and when I do it, it has nearly nothing to do with how much or how little a case gets to me."

Spencer snorted. "...I'm sorry for getting involved? And putting my ass on the line to save a kid? Is this what you wanna hear??"

"You're painting it like you did it more for him than for yourself." Morgan bit back. He knew that deep down Reid knew what he meant.

Derek was starting to contemplate only after dipping his toes in the topic, that maybe it wasn't his place to bring it up - but from how heavy the silence following his statement was, and how intensely the other's brows shot up together, he figured Hotch hadn't brought it up either. And someone had to do it, regardless of how painful the backfire would be: Derek could take it. He could take it, if it meant managing to untie at least a few knots in Spencer's brain.

"In what way exactly would I take advantage in something like that? You JUST said it, I literally threw myself in a life threatening situation because I didn't want another kid to die, not on my watch! How- how does that help me-"

"There you go." Derek asserted coldly, nodding his chin in Spencer's direction.

Spencer swallowed, but didn't continue.

"You didn't want to see another kid get killed in front of you. Especially when he reminds you so much of yourself. Ain't that right?"

Reid jerked his eyes away.

"And I get that. I do. But it's when you start snapping at everyone, and try to fix things on yourself, and approach an armed guy without protection, THAT'S when this type of 'getting involved' becomes dangerous." Morgan concluded. When no immediate response came from Reid, and he seemed to have calmed down, he made a step closer, and slowly attempted at placing a hand on his shoulder.

Maybe he didn't have to say it yet. Maybe he could get away with keeping it buried inside for a while longer. Maybe the risk of getting rejected could be dodged this time. But Spencer's face reflected the frantic movements happening inside his brain, and he looked like he was giving thoughtful consideration to something - Derek was afraid of what that "something" could be.

As soon as his hand reached Reid's bony shoulder, it was snatched away by an equally bony hand. And his eyes leveled with Morgan's again.

"Why does it matter?" Spencer ultimately asked.

"Wha-"

"Why does it matter what 'type' of involvement, as long as I save a life?"

"I JUST told you why it matters, Reid! It's not healthy that you'd wanna risk your life when you have a million other options!"

"So what?"

" 'So what' what?? We are a fucking team, Reid, our job is to avoid getting each other killed! We love you- I do, _I love you_ , I don't want you to throw yourself in these situations if there's no need for it!"

Spencer's look softened, despite the screaming, when Derek mentioned the team, the fact that they were meant to protect each other - to _love_ each other. Like he forgot it for a second there.

"And I get that! But- but what's the point- even if you explain it to me a thousand times, it doesn't make me feel any better knowing that the way I get in dangerous situations is 'unhealthy' whereas yours is unbiased. If you run into a fire to save a child because you have no choice, I still shit my pants, alright? Because- because of what _you_ said, that we are a team, and we love each other, and I love you too-"

"Not like _that_ , Reid!!" Morgan yelled louder than him, putting a stop to his flood of words.

Spencer didn't try to resume his ramble, instead, he stilled with lips parted and eyebrows furrowed, waiting for his brain to understand - it never took him so long. Except when it came to social cues, and feelings.

Morgan sighed heavily, shutting his eyes. "I- I don't mean it like that. Like a co-worker- not even as a friend." his voice was now barely audible.

Spencer's heart started pounding rapidly - and it was the only thing he could feel in that moment. His brain wasn't working, his thoughts were put on a time-out for a second. His body was in charge - and he wasn't used to it.

"I- I'm not following-"

Morgan ran a hand over his face. " _I love you_ , Goddammit."

Derek took a step closer, and now Spencer could see a glossy layer coating his eyes, threatening to spill.

" _I'm in love with you_ , Spencer." he murmured.

Their eyes were only a few inches apart, and still: Spencer couldn't manage to read through Derek's. He couldn't find in them the answers to all those questions - Why would he say something like that? Was it true? How long? How could Derek Morgan be in love with someone like him? Did he misunderstand what he said? How did he miss something like that?

He shook his head. "No. No that's not true, don't- _don't_ say that." Spencer's eyelids burning with tears.

Morgan swallowed the lump in his throat, a hurt frown appeared on his face. Did Reid really believe he was lying, or was it some subtle, manipulative way of telling him he didn't love him back?

He nodded and repeated. "It is. It's true, I love yo-"

" _Stop_ saying that." A tear trailed down Spencer's cheek, as he tilted his head and let his shoulders drop, like someone who's... tired. Someone who's had enough without even having received any. Someone who's completely unaware of how much they're giving by just existing in other people's orbits. Someone who's yet blind to how forceful a love like that feels like when it sweeps you over - incapable of feeling worthy of such love.

"You're only saying it because- because you saw me in a dangerous situation and- and you're confusing the fear of losing a co-worker with romantic love. We- we see it all the time, Morgan- it's not true, it's gonna go away, this is only your brain playing tricks on you." Spencer stuttered.

Morgan looked down at his trembling hands, as gravity forced the first of many tears to escape his eye. How could he not see it? Why couldn't he accept being loved?

"I- I don't know how to show it to you." he raised his gaze again. "tell me, kid. Tell me how I can make you understand."

A shuddering breath stopped halfway in his throat when Spencer leaned even closer, reaching a hand out to cup his cheek. Gentle, uplifting, _soft_ hand soothing his thick skin; and a thumb stroking his chin, scattered with a couple-days-rough stubble dampened by the tears. He slightly tilted his head to sink into that touch.

Spencer stared deep into him for a while, and closed the distance between their faces. Derek simply shut his eyes, as the tip of the other's nose brushed up and down his, like he wanted to test the soil; Spencer's hot breath tickling his Cupid's bow.

His plump, bottom lip slightly parted from the upper one, and started stroking over Derek's closed mouth - he didn't wanna push, he didn't want to ruin it, he wanted to kiss him but at the same time he didn't, didn't want him to feel forced to do anything, didn't want Spencer to have to let his tongue into his mouth just because he'd feel unpolite if he didn't, didn't wanna give in to the best sensation he could think of knowing it'd be a one-way street-

" _Kiss me._ " the words came out of Spencer's mouth in a humid, warm breath washing over Derek's.

And Derek didn't need to be told twice.

One, strong arm wrapped around Spencer's slim waist, and long fingers snaked up the back of his neck and through his hair, and everything about where and how Derek's limbs were positioned felt anything but foreign to him. Like his body was the place they were supposed to be all along.

And he couldn't help but curse himself, and let endless tears roll off of his cheeks at the thought that he didn't realize it sooner, that he could've been tied with Morgan in that way long before if only he'd _listened_ , that maybe he wouldn't have had to squeeze his brain so hard to think of ways to make himself feel at least decent for all those years, maybe he wouldn't even have needed Dilaudid in the first place, maybe all his tears and his sweat and his blood could've been wiped away by those hands instead of his own, maybe if he were a _normal_ person capable of seeing the clues thrown at him, the clues that confirmed that the feeling was mutual, the clues that would've eventually pushed him to say it long before - "I love you, Derek" was it so hard after all? - and maybe, maybe, _maybe-_

And then, lips. Lips pushed against his, putting a halt to the mental cursing, the self loathing, the regret.

A million times he'd imagined Morgan's lips on his, and his forehead, and his neck, and...and _other places_ , and he would've never guessed how gentle they actually were, in reality, in three-dimension. He'd imagined them as forceful as his kicks were when he broke down doors. As crushing as his fists against the walls when he was frustrated. As piercing as the words he spat out to Buford's face. And they were, forceful, but in a different way. In this way that had nothing to do with violence, and physicality. Like, like he was trying to infuse him with all the love his big heart contained. Like he could tell him how much he loved him just by laying those lips on his - and Spencer would've struggled to believe it regardless.

And, tongue. As soon as the tip of Derek's tongue split its way in between his teeth, Spencer dropped his jaw, and pushed him as deep inside as he could, with his hands on the back of his warm neck. It was like the other's tongue was chasing for his, and so he met it halfway, pushing his forward, and the warm, wet contact made Derek whine shakily.

And it was getting messy, and slippery as their mouths mixed together, and his taste was burning hot, like coffee, but not the sweet, tooth-rotting one Spencer was used to drink: like bitter coffee, sharp, intense but cozy at the same time. And in the moment that taste started possessing every spot of his mouth, spread by the movements of both their tongues, swirling and exploring every bit of space available - in that moment he swore to God, if real coffee tasted like that, he'd give up all the sugar and cream in this world.

At a certain point, Morgan had to pull back, or else he'd have suffocated - not that he minded, drowning in Reid's velvet lips.

He pressed his forhead on Spencer's and brushed his fingers through his hair, swallowing that last bit of flavor he left in his mouth - sweet for all the damn sugar he shoved in his coffee, salty for the tears that managed to reach his tongue.

Reid's arms slowly dropped down his sides again, as he regained all the breath he'd lost, and tilted his head down like he was avoiding the other's eyes. Morgan frowned at the loss of contact.

"Hey" Derek whispered against his temple, though it didn't seem to work to catch his attention. Did he do something wrong? Was Spencer already regretting it? Did he push too far? He perfectly knew Reid had a "thing" with physical contact, but he trusted him to say it if he was doing anything that made him uncomfortable, right? Plus, he seemed to never have had a problem with Morgan touching him, hugging him...had he got it wrong all along? As those questions sneaked their way into Derek's brain, coming from a dark, hidden place Spencer's mouth had in some way momentarily rooted out of him, a sudden pain stabbed at the back of his throat.

"Pretty boy," _That_ seemed to work. Spencer's gorgeous face leveled back up with his, giving him his signature puppy eyes. Derek's knees failed a little under his weight when he gently grabbed Spencer's jaw in one hand, and he seemed to be trying to contain a shy smile by biting the inside of his cheek. The questions were rooted out of his head once again.

"I need you to listen to me for a second here" he added softly, brushing his thumb on his chin. Spencer nodded.

He took a deep breath. "I know why you did what you did, and I'm- I'm sorry if it doesn't seem like I do because I snapped like that but..." Derek paused, cupping Spencer's face in both his hands to wipe away the half-dried tears with the sleeves of his hoodie, expecting fresh new ones to come at any moment. "...but I need you to understand that it freaked me out to see you like that cause it looked like you didn't _know_ that we're here for you. That I'm here for you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah I know." Reid murmured, his bottom lip failing to keep steady. He slightly tilted his head to nuzzle into Morgan's warm palm, as his thumb caressed his cheek.

Derek's heart swelled like he never thought it could. The way Spencer was giving it all up and trusting him to be careful with his exposed nerves, was an overwhelming duty weighing upon his shoulders just as much as it was the hugest privilege he'd ever received. Even more so knowing how hard it was for the kid to share that part of him.

"Especially _now_ , I need you to understand that when you put your life at risk like that- like it doesn't matter; it doesn't affect _only you_. It affects me, too. It always has, since day one, but especially from this moment on I need you to think of me- I need you to think that I'm out there watching you and that if you risk your life, you're risking mine too."

Spencer's pupils widened at that. He stared deep into Derek's eyes as if he could read his mind through them. _"Especially now"_. _"Especially from this moment on"_. He was trying so hard to find another meaning to those words, one that would imply less commitment, one that wouldn't literally equal Derek Morgan stating that he was his _boyfriend_ now.

"I- I understand." Spencer stammered, wrapping his arms again around his waist. "I understand." he repeated after clearing his voice, as a sweet smile formed on his lips.

"Good." Derek placed a couple quick kisses on his chin and the corner of his lips, making his smile widen even more and his nose scrunch a little. "Cause I mean it."

They stared into each other for a while, and Derek's palm didn't stop stroking Spencer's cheek for a second, like he would die to carry his whole face in one hand if only he could.

Reid swallowed, trying to keep his gaze steady on him as his brain prompted at his lips to speak the words - _tell him, tell him, he won't reject you, he loves you, he said it first, tell him-_

"I love you too." he felt himself smiling while saying it. Wasn't so hard, now was it?

Derek chuckled a little. "Yeah, I figured that one, pretty boy."

Spencer dropped his gaze, trying to hide a little in the man's palm. There was another thing...

"and- and also, uh, Morgan ? I," a shuddering sigh followed. "I- I'm 10 months sober. From- from Dilaudid. 10 months."

Morgan's bright smile didn't falter but assumed a shade to it that Reid couldn't quite name. He squeezed his eyes shut to let out another set of tears, with such relief that left Spencer wondering if he'd been waiting to receive that news all along, or simply he wasn't expecting it. That reaction alone could've easily been enough to make him swoon at his very feet.

Derek collapsed into his hug, burying his face in Spencer's slim neck and probably soaking the collar of his shirt as he sobbed in a way that made his shoulders hitch at every breath - in a way Spencer had never seen him doing before.

Spencer ran a hand up and down the back of the other's neck to calm his cry down, until his breathing had evened out a little, unable to take that stupid smile off his face.

"Can you, uh, do me a favor though?" Derek's hoarse and muffled voice tickled his neck a little.

"Yeah?"

"...can you stop calling me _Morgan_ now? Freaks me out a little..."

Reid let out a giggle, and squeezed him even tighter, tilting his head to lean his cheek on the other man's bald head, well aware that he would never feel nearly as supported by his skinny limbs as he felt in Morgan's strong arms. He tried anyway.

"Yeah. Yes, I can definitely stop doing that, _Derek_."

The feeling of the man's smile - _his boyfriend_ 's smile against his skin, was enough to make Spencer swear to try and forget he even _had_ a last name.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: @cyn-00


End file.
